THEN HOW YOU GONNA FIND OSAMA BIN LADEN?

Seriously. This is ridiculous. It’s time to admit she’s a big silly joke meant to put women in their place and move on. There really is no use defending her because you think it’s sexist to attack her. Uh, she probably can’t even find your state on a map. I’m pretty damn sure she can’t tell Iraq from Iran. McCain is looking stroke-ier all the time, and you want to keep patting this empty-headed snakehandler on the head for doing such a darn good job being successy and empowerful while getting what she wants? How mavericky!

No, folks, she’s fucking stupid, and that’s not nearly as cute as some of you seem to think it is.

P.S. TWO MORE DAYS. We’re counting on you to make this the last fucking time we have to hear the Idiot Bobblehead for a long, long time.

AND WATCH THIS:

It… uh… defies comment… uh… ohmyfuckingod. Who’s the guy in the mask? what’s with the ball rub? What? Whaa….?? What the fucking hell?

And now we’re going to go watch it 10 more times.

There is something so unbelievably adorable about the way Hayden Panettiere (of the dolphin-saving video) says “fuck.”

Awwwwwwwww! She is just so stinkin’ cute!

On a related note, but this one interactive, you must visit palinaspresident.com. See if you can find Katie Couric being waterboarded just outside the Oval Office. Yowch!

Okay, finally: RUDE PUNDIT, WHOEVER YOU ARE, WE LOVE YOU!

“You lost, man, you lost because all the shit you been shoveling into a giant pile has finally tipped over and covered you in turds. I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. Right here, right now, I’m take out this skull. You see it? You know whose skull it is? It’s Ronald Reagan’s. And now I’m gonna take out my dick and fuck his skull, right in his eyehole where his lying-ass twinkling eyeballs used to be. Watch me fuck the Gipper’s skull, man, watch me turn it into my bony bitch. Damn, that was good fuckin’. And then, once I’m president, I’m gonna get Milton Friedman’s skull and fuck the shit out of that. And I’m gonna get William Rehnquist’s skull and fuck it. And then I’m gonna get William F. Buckley’s skull, even if it’s still got meat on it, and I’m gonna fuck it in the mouth. I’m gonna skull fuck all those people who turned this country into a bullshit version of what it was. Shit, I’m gonna fuck Dick Cheney’s skull while he’s still using it, maybe get Joe Biden to double team it with me, fuckin’ his skull until his poisoned fuckin’ heart explodes.

Thanks, man!

I mean, how much of this shit do we gotta post before the fuckwads will man up and admit it? Look, all you have to say is something like: “Yeah, okay, so really? We fucking hate black people, and that’s why we’re Republicans. We think McCain is going to forget how to tie his shoes before he does anything productive for the economy, but we’d rather have the good ‘ol drooler than an A-rab or a Negro.”

I mean seriously: who actually thinks the Republican “base” is made up of economists or policy experts? You want a civil war? Really? Think real fuckin’ hard about that one, paste-eater.

Okay, so we got this from Feministing, and in their quest to be pro-woman all the time, which is a respectable enough goal, they are none too happy with the totally fucking inevitable:

The box cover reads:

“Cross party lines with your own inflatable running mate!” The political love doll’s suggested uses include: “Blow her up and show her how you’re going to vote,” “Let her pound your gavel over and over,” and “It’s time some male interns caused a scandal in the Capitol.”

Feministing may not find this funny, but we think it’s hilarious. I mean, when you exploit yourself campaign as a hot sexist, what can you expect besides people acting totally sexist? That’s like campaigning as a hatemongering racist and then being surprised when your supporters are hatemongering racis– oh, right, shit.

(Actually, you should really go read Jesus’ General at that last link about hatemongering racist Republicans. It’s pretty awesome.)

This song just about sums up what I think about Ms. Palin.

With every debate, the Rude Pundit likes to give his version of how Obama or Biden really ought to answer the really asinine, idiot-baiting questions. From today’s would-be transcript, we get what Obama’s answer to that Bill Ayers bullshit should be. Some highlights:

“Oh, fuck me, really? Okay, fine. You want me to talk about this shit? Here ya go: he’s a dude on my street who held a coffee get-together for me years ago when I was gonna run to be the state senator of his ‘hood. And we served at the same time on the board of the Woods Fund. You know what the Woods Fund does? It tries to help community organizers in Chicago get shit done for the poor, you know, like education, housing, and jobs. Now, Sarah Palin may think that community organizers don’t do jack shit, but we did the work the government wouldn’t or couldn’t do. So, yeah, Ayers was there. But ‘pal around’ with him? Motherfucker, we followed Robert’s Rules of Order together. Maybe for people who scream at and abuse their friends that counts as being ‘pals,’ but for most of us, it ain’t even an ‘acquaintance.’ Dude, Johnny, you signed a confession that degraded America when you were over in ‘Nam. And I’m the traitor?

“So you can have your Muppet-sounding idiot VP bitch out there in front of crowds, talkin’ smack about me and gettin’ people to yell, ‘Kill him,’ and you can try to convince everyone I’m a terrorist. …But you know and I know that you’re desperate. Motherfucker, you tied yourself to Reagan and Bush and now that ideology is sinkin’ like cement shoes on a mob snitch. Drown, motherfucker, drown.

“And you’re in the shit now. ‘Cause I’ve been waitin’ for this moment, you fuckin’ senile old fuck. I was waitin’ until I could see the whites of your twitchy fuckin’ eyes to pull the trigger on the Keating Gatling gun I’ve been holdin’. You wanted to take the gloves off. Then why are your hands shakin’, bitch? You can send your people out there to say that you were cleared, but the name sticks, doesn’t it? ‘Keating Five’? I wasn’t gonna go there, but you teed up the ball. I just swung the fuckin’ club. Now, lemme ask you somethin’. What’s more important - that some guy who did some shit four decades ago once said, ‘Hi’ to me or that you are one of the reasons that the federal government had to bail out the savings and loan industry? Moral equivalence doesn’t work, does it, Johnny Mac?

Read the rest of the rudeness here.

You can txt your question for Sarah Palin to be displayed on an electronic billboard outside her rally in southern California today!

Click here for more. Thanks California democrats!

Just go to the site, already. You’ll love it. We’re going to text the question, “How is it moral to force teen girls to give birth to their rapists’s baby?” Is that family friendly-enough for a billboard? Probably not. But neither is what we’re talking about, either.

In addition to Palin’s flowchart, she had a little extra help to get her through the debate, oh yeah, you know what kind I’m talkin’ about, the kind that comes from GOD, glory be. Palin’s fellow congregants at the Church of Jesus Loves US Best Crossroads Church didn’t cheer on their woman while watching the debate. Nuh-uh. They had the TV off to prevent the distraction from interfering with their intercessory prayer, which included speaking in tongues.

This is the woman some would have one heartbeat away from the presidency. Look, I’m all for religious freedom, but the kind of fundamentalism Palin believes in and represents does NOT. They believe in religious freedom for themselves, because everyone else is wrong. A vote for McCain/Palin is a vote for potential theocracy.

Whoa guys. I mean, whoa. Cordelia and I were undoubtedly playing the same game. I can’t really remember the rules, except I barely put my beer down for all the fucking “maverick” this and “maverick” that. Which is now irrefutable evidence that “maverick” means nothing more than “has no fucking clue what’s going on.” All I remember is that I had to take a shot for “Bridge to Nowhere” and I was supposed to punch the person sitting next to me in the arm for something that sounded like a King of the Hill quote.

Ever since then, up to and including the present moment, my head has been pounding. I don’t think it’s the alcohol, honestly. I think I have a massive headache from being subjected to unintelligible Palinese for that eternity of a commercial-free debate. And from squinting to try to see past those overgrown bangs into the snakelike eyes of pure moronitude.

We’ll leave the real commentary to the rest of the salivating internets while Cordy and I nurse our Palingovers. One quick comment, though: Wasn’t it just… so… goddamn annoying when you could see Pitbull Mommy get all excited when she realized she had been given a talking point about some zinger Biden used? She was all like “Me! Me! Call on me! Teacher! I know the answer!”

Governor Puck-Fer-Brainz is so far from being capable of formulating an original thought - let alone a sentence that anyone can parse - that it honestly makes me wonder if the GOP top douches are having themselves a lark by putting an idiot woman up in the public spotlight just so they take turns humiliating “the dumb cunt.” You know, to teach us uppity broads a lesson.

Anyway, fuck all the dog analogies. Palin is a stoned Dan Quayle with lipstick.

Thanks to Wonkette for the very excellent flow chart.