Our President Barack Obama

Welcome to the new America, newly awakened from its horrible nightmare.

FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK OUT OF YOU DIPSHIT INBRED RACIST FUCKS! Sane Americans are taking back our country and we’re fucking pissed!

And damn, we wish we were in Grant Park right now.

All you need to know: Colin Powell brilliantly sums up everything about this election and why he’s splitting with the GOP on this. The man speaks in full sentences. It’s so refreshing.

Also, finally: Believing in Islam isn’t actually a HEINOUS ANTI-AMERICAN CRIME, and if you think it is, you’re the one betraying America, asshole.

We love us a campaign that has, you know, a soul. Creativity. An inspiring sort of angle.

Carve yourself a Jack O’Bama or a Barack O’Lantern with yeswecarve.com!

So impressive:

Or, “Obama: The Musical”
(Oh, forgot to add: Kari in Milwaukee, this is totally for you!)

You’ve never seen such a glorious, inspiring video of interns at campaign headquarters before. Enjoy!

We took a break from binge drinking so that we might witness at least one civic-y moment in this election with the startling clarity of sobriety.

And that is the last time we will do so.

The new thing I learned about Barack Obama is that he actually wants the American people to understand what’s being done to us. He took the time, and risked Tom Brokaw’s weirdly ragey reminders about time, to address the lies and attacks that the wheezy little corpse threw at him, and he still managed to give cogent, sensible explanations for how the fiscal crisis impacts The Rest Of Us and how energy policy is related to national security. The times that Obama got testy were time times that the crusty little wolf playing a pious little sheep wheezed three tons of lies into the room. Obama didn’t have to make stupid jokes that fell flat. He just had to clear up the bullshit, and he did. He’s a leader and an educator. I like that.

Now, onto making fun of assholes. ONE WOULD THINK, after the internets practically set themselves on fire yesterday with reports of increasingly violent racial slurs at the Klan rallies that comprise McCain-Palin appearances, that Johnny McRage’s handlers would have reminded him to refer to Barack as “Senator Obama” and not “that one“. One would think. Apparently not.

Photoshop break!

“That one” happened about an hour after McCain told a younger black questioner, in his condescending little shriveled-prick voice punctuated with wheezes, that the man “probably [didn't] know who Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac” were. Again, the internets freaked out, as I watched people on Twitter just about tl;dr themselves off a building. From Cenk Uygur’s post at HuffPo:

For me, the more worrisome moment of the debate came when McCain told a young, black questioner, “You’ve probably never heard of Fannie Mae.” We were doing play-by-play of the debate on our website and I shouted out, “Why not? Why wouldn’t he have heard of Fannie Mae?”

Would McCain really have said the same thing to an older, white questioner? It seems unlikely. Of course, it’s nearly impossible to separate out age, race and whatever else is going through McCain’s head at that moment. Can I say definitively that McCain said that because of the person’s race? No, I definitely can’t. But that was a moment for me that was more loaded with racial possibility than his reference to “that one.”

But listen, everyone, it gets better. As The Littlest Troll that Could realized “That One” hadn’t paid McCain’s old veteran whitey ass the proper deference that a little colored boy should, and had fully beat his wheezy ass instead, McCain actually declined to shake Obama’s hand. Don’t believe it? Watch. Also, as one Twitterer noted last night, Cindy McCain was looking shockingly ex-stripper like. Compared to her, Michelle Obama looked downright maternal.

Which is sort of who-cares but sort of awesome, but hey, it’s becoming increasingly clear that McCain-Palin are, no really, giant fucking ass-backwards redneck bigots who are capable of  leading only a pitchfork-toting lynch mob of illiterate, angry white racists to go burn crosses on black families’ lawns.

Wonkette’s commentary on the above video was as follows:

Okay, so here’s a video of the after-debate handshakes between the Walnuts and the Baracks, and Obama, always the grown-up gentleman figure, offers his hand to McCain’s, and he brushes it away and shoves Cindy at him! As Newell summarized McCain’s gesture, ““Here, you want a hand to shake? Shake the cunt’s.” In the clip, Blitzer is all, “Yeah, it’s obvious that McCain has a certain disdain for Obama.”  That’s because McCain is presumptuous and is offended that the young brown whipper-snapper is smarter than him, nicer than him, tougher than him, quicker than him, prettier than him, blacker than him, human-er than him, and more honorable of a man than him.

Then we have our favorite slam dunk of the night:

Obama: Well, you know, Sen. McCain, in the last debate and today, again, suggested that I don’t understand. It’s true. There are some things I don’t understand.

I don’t understand how we ended up invading a country that had nothing to do with 9/11, while Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda are setting up base camps and safe havens to train terrorists to attack us.

(transcript courtesy Crooks & Liars)

Realizing this, John & Hooker McCorpse got the hell out of dodge. From Break the Terror:

What?  So apparently you miss things when you don’t watch C-SPAN.  Ken Layne was live-blogging and he has video of that godawfully pissy bitch moment when John McCain said “heh heh heh, and you know who voted for it?  THAT ONE” or whatever, but what’s interesting is his live-blog after the debate was over.  Apparently Cindy & John McCain just fucking tucked tail and ran, while Michelle & Barack Obama stayed around, and it basically turned into a “private party of supporters.”

So, Foxy News types had to come up with some kind of excuse. If you heard any talking heads on any network post-debate, they all mentioned at some point that McCain was supposed to pwn this one because he was the great Mavericky Maverick of the Town Hall Format. Except that Wheezy McWalnuts sucked ass. So get this: the idiots are blaming the format for McCain’s suckage. I’d like to point out that McCain has tried to dodge debates, obviously tried to get formats that he thought favors him, and each time there’s Obama, just coolly waiting, biding his time, saying, “Ready whenever you are, John,” while McCain flaps around and practices his bomb jokes that his handlers can’t get him to quit making. Love it.

Since this is an election all about issues and not personalities, we decided to get in line with the interests of the people and present an informative website about what you need to know.

The short version? JOHN MCCAIN CAUSED THE COLLAPSE OF WALL STREET. And he was too stupid to keep it from happening until after the election. Whoops!

Keating Economics brings you what you need to know about how this whole mess got started, and how McCain was already in trouble for it. I guess John “Kuntry First, Tee-Hee!” McCain just, um, forgot to stop fucking over the American people?

Today, John McCain is the only major party presidential nominee in US history to have been rebuked, censured or otherwise admonished after a Congressional ethics investigation.

WATCH and READ. Maybe Obama and Biden are playing nicey nice on TV, but I’m glad to see they’ll call McCain’s bullshit for what it is online, at least.

With every debate, the Rude Pundit likes to give his version of how Obama or Biden really ought to answer the really asinine, idiot-baiting questions. From today’s would-be transcript, we get what Obama’s answer to that Bill Ayers bullshit should be. Some highlights:

“Oh, fuck me, really? Okay, fine. You want me to talk about this shit? Here ya go: he’s a dude on my street who held a coffee get-together for me years ago when I was gonna run to be the state senator of his ‘hood. And we served at the same time on the board of the Woods Fund. You know what the Woods Fund does? It tries to help community organizers in Chicago get shit done for the poor, you know, like education, housing, and jobs. Now, Sarah Palin may think that community organizers don’t do jack shit, but we did the work the government wouldn’t or couldn’t do. So, yeah, Ayers was there. But ‘pal around’ with him? Motherfucker, we followed Robert’s Rules of Order together. Maybe for people who scream at and abuse their friends that counts as being ‘pals,’ but for most of us, it ain’t even an ‘acquaintance.’ Dude, Johnny, you signed a confession that degraded America when you were over in ‘Nam. And I’m the traitor?

“So you can have your Muppet-sounding idiot VP bitch out there in front of crowds, talkin’ smack about me and gettin’ people to yell, ‘Kill him,’ and you can try to convince everyone I’m a terrorist. …But you know and I know that you’re desperate. Motherfucker, you tied yourself to Reagan and Bush and now that ideology is sinkin’ like cement shoes on a mob snitch. Drown, motherfucker, drown.

“And you’re in the shit now. ‘Cause I’ve been waitin’ for this moment, you fuckin’ senile old fuck. I was waitin’ until I could see the whites of your twitchy fuckin’ eyes to pull the trigger on the Keating Gatling gun I’ve been holdin’. You wanted to take the gloves off. Then why are your hands shakin’, bitch? You can send your people out there to say that you were cleared, but the name sticks, doesn’t it? ‘Keating Five’? I wasn’t gonna go there, but you teed up the ball. I just swung the fuckin’ club. Now, lemme ask you somethin’. What’s more important - that some guy who did some shit four decades ago once said, ‘Hi’ to me or that you are one of the reasons that the federal government had to bail out the savings and loan industry? Moral equivalence doesn’t work, does it, Johnny Mac?

Read the rest of the rudeness here.

Enjoy! You’ll love it! The end (Obama vs. McCain) is the funniest.

Great post breaking down the role of white privilege - and racism - in the events of this election.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because “every family has challenges,” even as black and Latino families with similar “challenges” are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was “Alaska first,” and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you’re black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she’s being disrespectful.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a “trick question,” while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O’Reilly means you’re dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.?

We just pulled our favorites. Please go read the rest of Tim Wise’s essay, “This Is Your Nation on White Privilege,” here.

Yet more confirmation that “Values Voters” value hatred above all else:

At forum, waffles lampoon Obama with racial stereotype

People at a conservative political forum snapped up boxes of waffle mix depicting Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama as a racial stereotype on its front and wearing Arablike headdress on its top flap.

By JOAN LOWY

The Associated Press

WASHINGTON — People at a conservative political forum snapped up boxes of waffle mix depicting Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama as a racial stereotype on its front and wearing Arablike headdress on its top flap.

Values Voter Summit organizers cut off sales of Obama Waffles boxes on Saturday, saying they had not realized the boxes displayed “offensive material.” The summit and the exhibit hall where the boxes were sold had been open since Thursday.

The box was meant as political satire, said Mark Whitlock and Bob DeMoss, two writers from Franklin, Tenn., who created the mix.

They sold it for $10 a box from a rented booth at the summit sponsored by the lobbying arm of the Family Research Council.

Why stop at harassing and abusing women when you can revive Jim Crow? Hey, how bout some political satire involving funny nooses? That’s what being “pro-life” is all about, right? Thanks, Family Research Council, for once again revealing your true mission: an all-white, all-Christian country run only by men with a few hot moms around for eye candy.

So much for “liberal media bias.” You just can’t make this stuff up.

(Via Seattle Times.)